Saints and Secrets Read online

  Passing the fifth story, Jessie got to the door that led out onto the roof. Slamming into it shoulder first, she went winding backward, grabbing her arm as she found the door was locked.

  “Dammit,” she muttered. “I don’t have time for this.” Grabbing the door with her hands, she tried to push, but she didn’t have any luck. Looking at the damn thing, she figured it was locked from the outside. “Fine,” she murmured. “We’ll do it the hard way.”

  Pulling her gun from its place on her hip, she pointed it at the lock.

  “Lara!” she yelled in a loud, authoritative voice. “If you can hear me, first, don’t jump. Second, get the hell away from the door. I’m about to shoot it.”

  Taking a deep breath and giving Lara time to move away from the door, should she be there, Jessie fired a shot into the lock. It rang through the enclosed stairwell like echoing thunder, but it did the job. Pushing the door with her shoulder again, Jessie found that it opened right up.

  She ran out onto the roof, feeling the breeze, even stronger up here than it had been on the ground, whipping across her face. Blinking hard, she saw Lara. The woman was still standing at the edge, and from this proximity, Jessie could see that she was trembling.

  She could hear Roman yelling something off in the distance, but the wind was too high for any of his words to come through clearly. Dammit. She hadn’t thought of that. It seemed that Jessie hadn’t thought of a lot of things since all of this started earlier today. With any luck, she could make up for it now.

  “Lara!” Jessie yelled, careful to keep her gun in her hand and not place it back on her hip. Though she was intent on stopping Lara from killing herself, she couldn’t forget what happened last time. And there was no telling how Lara might be armed right now. It was best to keep herself safe and ready. “Lara, I need you to step away from there. Just take a couple of steps back and turn to me, okay?”

  Lara turned only her head, giving Jessie a look at her silhouette against the moonlight.

  “I would if I could, but it’s not that simple,” she said, her voice cracking. “It’s a really pretty night tonight. If this was gonna happen, I’m glad it’s happening on a night like this. Small blessing, I know, but maybe that’s what it’s all about in the end. Maybe life is just a series of small blessings. Maybe that’s all you get and you have to make the best of it. Maybe how well you do that determines how happy you are.”

  Jessie didn’t like the sound of all this. She had no idea what Lara was talking about, but she could tell from her words that she was intent on this beautiful night being her last on this earth.

  “Maybe you get a say in that too,” Jessie said. “You ever think of that? You ever think that maybe your happiness depends on what you do, on what you say? You get to control your story, Lara. I might not know everything, but I know that much. I learned it.” She took a few steps closer, gently like she was approaching a deer in the woods. “A long time ago, a man tried to take control of my life. He killed my brother doing it and he almost destroyed my life. But I decided I wanted to live. I decided that I got to say who I was and what I did. I built a life for myself, and later on, another man came along and tried to do the same thing again. He threatened me, and he tried to kill me and my boyfriend at the time. So, once again, I decided everything was in my hands. I built a new life for myself again, and that’s why I’m standing here in front of you.”

  “You don’t get it,” Lara said.

  “No, you don’t get it, sweetheart,” Jessie said. “I found you in that house today for a reason, and that reason was so that I could tell you this. You don’t have to be afraid of anyone. You don’t have to run anymore. We are here to help you, and if you’ve done something bad, we’ll deal with it. You can take accountability and you can move on. You don’t have to do this. You can live. You don’t have to kill yourself.”

  “He came,” Lara said. “Roman Parks actually came.”

  “I told him you needed him,” Jessie replied.

  “I’m sure that didn’t mean anything. He doesn’t even know me, but she knew him, and she loved him so much,” Lara said. “Will you tell him to be careful, and will you tell him not to blame himself? She wouldn’t want that.”

  Jessie again had no idea what Lara was talking about. She knew she had to get her down from here, though.

  “Tell him yourself. Come with me,” she said, reaching out her hand to the woman.

  “I would if I could,” Lara said. “You see, it’s not me. I don’t want to kill myself, and I’m not going to. This is the only way, though. I thought I could run, but I can’t. I’ll always be found, and I’ll never be free. Neither will the people I love. So I have to do this. I have to let them do what they want to do with me. It’s the only way. You’ll remember, though, right? You’ll remember to tell Roman what I said?”

  Jessie blinked hard. “Lara, I—”

  But before she could finish, Lara fell backward, coughing loudly.

  Jessie gasped. Looking down, she saw a bullet wound in Lara’s chest. The woman had just been shot right in front of her.

  7

  A light knock came on the door of Jessie’s room. Though it was cracked and she could have easily looked through to see who it was, Jessie didn’t need to. Only one person in her life would feel the need to knock on an open door.

  “Come in, Mom,” Jessie said, staring out the window at the rain as it fell down on the Gulf waters. There were a lot of things she loved about living on Sanibel Island, but Jessie loved none of those things more than she loved being able to look out her window and see the water. There was something about it that soothed her, something about it that reached into her soul and healed whatever was broken. As she watched the falling rain make ripples in the Gulf water, she realized it was going to have to do a lot of healing tonight.

  “How’d you know it was me?” Dina St. James asked, sitting on the foot of her daughter’s bed and running a hand through Jessie’s hair, blonde like her own.

  “I know I’m not the best detective in the world, but I’ve got at least that much down,” Jessie said, her voice low and meek.

  “Who told you that you weren’t the best?” her mother asked. “Certainly not me. I’m constantly amazed by you, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more amazed by you than I am today.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Jessie said, looking at her mother with defeated, tired eyes. “What exactly could you be proud of about today? Is it the way I got my ass kicked while secretly looking for a house, which you explicitly asked me not to do? Or is it the fact that I fell short of doing my job and it cost a woman her life? Which part makes you the proudest of me?”

  Jessie took a deep breath, trying to steady her shaking hand and slow her racing heart. She thought about Lara, about the way the younger woman died in her arms, tears running down her cheeks and fear in her eyes until the minute they went dark.

  “You are just like your father. Have I ever told you that?” Dina asked, her hand still stroking her daughter’s hair gently.

  “I’m not,” Jessie balked, shaking her head hard. “If I were even half the detective he is, Lara would still be alive.”

  “Do you need a back rub or something?” Dina asked her daughter lightly.

  “What?” Jessie asked, looking over at her mother.

  “I’m just saying, holding the weight of the world on your shoulders must do horrible things to your back,” Dina said. “That’s what makes you like your father. You think everyone's problems are your problems. I guess that comes with having that great big heart you and your dad have.”

  “It’s not about that. It’s about doing my job,” Jessie replied instantly.

  “If you think stopping every bad thing that happens on this island is your job, then you’ve given yourself an impossible task and I was right to not want you to become a police officer,” Dina replied.

  “It’s not that,” Jessie said. She always knew her mother didn’t want her to follow in her father�
��s footsteps. She attributed it to the way her older brother Nate died, murdered by a killer who had a vendetta against their father. Jessie never thought that Dina might also be considering the mental implications of the job.

  “You didn’t kill anyone, Jessie,” Dina said. “You didn’t shoot that girl, and that means it’s not your fault. You tried every way a person could to help her, and you did better than anyone I know could have, including your father.”

  “You don’t have to say that,” Jessie muttered.

  “I know,” Dina replied. “I’m not saying it because I have to. I’m saying it because it’s true. Bad things are going to happen, and you’re not going to be able to stop them all. You can try, and it’s the trying that makes you a hero. But holding yourself accountable for the actions of monsters will only serve to make it impossible to do what you need to do. It’ll stifle you, and that’s how the bad guys win. They change who you are.”

  Jessie blinked hard, looking over at her mother. “That’s actually really good advice,” she said, honestly surprised.

  “Yeah. Well, it’s not the first time I’ve given it,” Dina replied. “Like I said, you and your father are very similar people.”

  Jessie thought about that for a second. Her dad had always been a rock to her. Even after Nate died, he seemed unshakable. The idea that her mother might have to prop him up this way seemed insane to Jessie. Still, she had to admit that she felt better now, and if that’s what also made her dad feel better, then maybe Dina wasn’t wrong about their being so similar, after all.

  “We’re going out tomorrow,” Dina said flatly, still running her hand through her daughter’s hair. “I’m thinking we should go to the mainland, hit up a spa, and maybe catch a matinee. I heard they’re playing An Affair to Remember at that revival theatre in Naples.”

  “I can’t. I have work,” Jessie said quickly.

  “Blow it off,” Dina said. “I know your boss pretty well. I think I can get him to look the other way.”

  “Today was my day off. I can’t take another one tomorrow,” Jessie said.

  “You spent today getting assaulted and then tracking down the woman who did it,” Jessie’s mother reminded her. “You were hardly off the clock. Now, you’re doing this, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “I just witnessed a murder, and the killer is still out there somewhere,” Jessie said. “I can’t go shopping.”

  “You just went through a traumatic experience, and you need time to process it,” Dina answered. “You gave your statement to the police. At least, for tomorrow, let someone else have a chance at the glory that comes with cracking a case.” She removed her fingers from her daughter’s hair. “You need a day, just one. Hell, I need it too. Just do this for me, okay? Just give me this one day. It’s not a lot to ask.”

  “Okay, Mom,” Jessie said, nodding. “Whatever you say.” Though, even as she was agreeing to take the day off, Jessie couldn’t help but think about all that had happened and all the questions still left unanswered.

  As much as she didn’t want to admit it, the day off was doing Jessie some good. Though Katie had been too busy to join them and Aunt Paula was out of state at one of those wellness retreats that Jessie’s father always told her was a ‘colossal waste of time and money’, Jessie and her mother were having a pretty good time. The two went out to Naples, had a late breakfast at a nice little place by the beach, and then went shopping.

  Though Jessie had never been much of a clothes horse, she had to say that browsing through shirts, skirts, and various accessories did a lot to take her mind off the sting of yesterday. In fact, since the day started, she had only thought of Lara and the horrors that had happened to her a few times.

  A Beach Boys song blasted through the speakers in a cute little store, and Jessie looked over to see her mother dancing along to the beat as she went through a rack of sundresses with the sort of critical fashion eye that Jessie knew she would never possess.

  “I like this one,” Dina said, pulling a little blue and yellow dress from the rack and holding it up in the air.

  “So do I,” Jessie agreed.

  “You should try it on,” her mother said.

  “Oh, not for me,” Jessie replied, laughing a little. “I like it for you.”

  “If you like it for me, why wouldn’t you like it for yourself?” her mother asked with narrowing eyes.

  “Because, Mom, you and I are very different people,” Jessie said. “What you can wear, what you can look good in, is not the same as me.”

  “Are you . . . are you saying you don’t think you can pull this off?” Dina asked, looking from her daughter to the dress and back again.

  “I didn’t want to be so hard on myself, but yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Jessie answered.

  “Well, then, I take it back. You’re not like your father at all. He’s smart enough to know how gorgeous you are,” Dina said.

  “Yeah. We’re not talking about this,” Jessie said, shaking her head. “My mother isn’t going to stand in a department store and tell me how pretty I am. I’m not a teenager who can’t get a date for prom.”

  “You would think the sheer level of men you’ve been capable of getting over the years would be all the proof you needed,” Dina scoffed. “Like that Army guy. What was his name? John Happy?”

  “Lucky. His name is John Lucky,” Jessie said.

  “Right. He was a handsome one, and you know something? I heard a rumor that he won the lottery. What happened with him?” Dina asked.

  “It just didn’t work out, Mom. He’s a good guy. He’s just not the one I end up with. That’s all,” Jessie answered, fidgeting uncomfortably.

  “Speaking of that and of the prom, what about Roman Parks?” Dina asked, shooting her daughter a look that made her feel uncomfortable in her own skin.

  “What about Roman Parks? He’s my partner. That’s all,” Jessie said before her mother’s sentence was even finished.

  “If you say so,” Dina said, shrugging and walking toward Jessie.

  “What is that supposed to mean? What is that little smirk about?” Jessie asked.

  “It means I’m your mother, and you can’t play games with me,” she said. “I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, sweetie. I remember the way you used to look at that boy. I bet you’ve looked at him like that a time or two since you got back.”

  “If you’re reading anything in my look, it’s disdain,” Jessie said. “I can barely stand Roman, never could. The only reason I’m still his partner is because I’m a professional.”

  “You were pretty excited to go to prom with someone you could barely stand. That’s all I’m saying,” Dina said.

  “And we both know how that turned out,” Jessie replied.

  “He made a mistake. People do that, you know? Maybe you should give him a chance to make up for it. I’m sure if he saw you in this dress, he wouldn’t say no.” She lifted the blue and yellow sundress again, presenting it to her daughter.

  “Fine. If I try it on, will that shut you up?” Jessie asked, grabbing the dress.

  “For awhile,” Dina chimed. “And sweetie, I’ve seen the way he looks at you too.”

  Jessie smirked at her mother, looking down at her pocket as her phone sounded. “Whatever you say, Mom.”

  Pulling out her phone, she saw a text from Roman. Had he heard the conversation they’d just had somehow? The idea mortified Jessie.

  As it turned out, the text was much more serious than that.

  Jess. I know you’re taking a day, and your dad told me not too, but I thought you should know. Things have taken a turn with Lara. We know who she is now, and that might open all of this up. If I were you, I’d get back here.

  “Mom,” Jessie said, looking up at her mother.

  “Give me the dress. I’ll put it back and meet you in the car,” Dina said, reading her face.

  “You know me too well,” Jessie said, handing her mother the dress and rushing for the doo
r.

  “I do,” Dina muttered. “For better or worse.”

  8

  By the time Jessie got back to the island, she had been in contact with Roman a few more times. He told her to meet him at one of her favorite coffee spots, a little bistro on the south end that she was honestly surprised he knew about. It was quiet and peaceful, and for whatever reason, Roman never seemed like either of those things to her.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait?” Dina asked, looking over at her daughter from behind the steering wheel.

  “I’m okay,” Jessie said. “I don’t know how long this will take, and Roman can drive me back when we’re finished.”

  “I bet he can,” Dina said, her eyes twinkling a little as Jessie opened the door and stepped out.

  “Stop it,” Jessie said. “Whatever this is, whatever cute little thing you think you’re doing, just stop it, okay? This is business, and it’s important.”

  “It’s always important and it never stops,” Dina said. “You still have to find time for life. Otherwise, you just won’t have one.” She nodded. “I’ll let you go, but the next time we plan an afternoon on your day off, I want the entire afternoon.”

  “I’ll do my best. I promise,” Jessie said. With that, she turned away from her mom and walked into the coffeehouse, hearing her mother pull away behind her.

  The coffee shop was as it always was whenever Jessie visited it, calming with atmospheric light glowing from dim lanterns that hung from the ceiling and soft piano music the woman had to imagine was meant to make people feel comfortable.

  It was pretty empty inside the small establishment, which made sense. The sun was starting to hang lower in the sky, and that meant people were, for the most part, more in the mood for beer, wine, or something else to help them wind down. The only people who needed coffee at this hour where those who still had work to do, like Jessie and Roman.